Losing Crow (The Bloody Saints MC Book 1) Read online

  I can’t look him in the eye. There is too much to read there. He would see, and he would know I wasn’t human anymore. I was dirt and very scared.

  “Ronnie,” I whisper, brokenly.

  “I’ve got him,” she tells me quietly.

  “Take my son to your room,” Crow tells Ronnie.

  “NO! Don’t go out there, you can’t go out there,” I scream again.

  “What the fuck, Maria!” Crow snaps, having reached the end of his patience, “Tell me what the fuck is going on. Right, the fuck now.”

  “HE’s out there,” I whisper, brokenly.

  “Are you sure?” Ronnie asks me, her voice gentle and comforting.

  “Yes, it’s him,” I look up at Ronnie.

  “Who the fuck is ‘him’?” Crow growls.

  My hands become the most interesting things in the world. My eyes are now glued to them.

  “I can’t tell you,” I whisper.

  “The fuck you can’t,” Crow snaps.

  “Maria,” Ronnie whispers.

  “No, don’t you dare,” I tell her coldly.

  “We can’t leave, you know that,” she reminds me of what is out there waiting for us.

  “I didn’t just leave here two years ago,” I take a deep breath. This isn’t going to be easy.

  Ronnie sits down on my right and grabs my hands. I am still sitting in Crows lap.

  “IS there anyone you can trust with Shawn?” Ronnie asks.

  “NO!” I cry.

  “One of the old ladies?” Crow asks her.

  I shudder as both fear and heartbreak rock my body.

  “The girls that were just in here?” Ronnie asks Crow.

  “Yes,” he tells her before calling out to Alanna.

  “Only them, no one else. No one else can be with Shawn, and I want to be able to see him,” I demand.

  I may be a mess, but I am not letting that man near my son.

  “Shawn can’t be here for this, Maria,” Ronnie tells me gently.

  My head lowers, I know she’s right. I had been a screaming mess, and I know that he is already terrified. His little arms are wrapped tightly around Ronnie’s neck.

  The girls from before appeared. Looking into the room all of them concerned.

  “Get Reyes and Gunner and go sit in my office,” Crow demands.

  I look at them before looking up at Crow.

  “I want to see Reyes and Gunner before you let them take our son,” I command.

  I watch as two men fill the doorway, I recognize neither of them.

  “Could have brought the kids,” the darker haired one said.

  I start to relax a little and nod to Ronnie. “Stay with them,” I tell her.

  “You don’t need me here?” she asks.

  “No, watch Shawn,” I tell her.

  She nods and stands, following the group out of the room and closes the door behind her. My chest heaves as the walls start to close on me. I feel like I am going back there, into the nightmares.

  “What the fuck is going on Maria?” Crow asks, his tone harsh.

  “Why do you care?” I ask him.

  “Please?” he begs.

  “I came here looking for you, and one of the members told me there was no one here called Crow. His smile made me sick, nervous, and extremely uncomfortable.”

  Looking at my hands, I tug on my fingers trying to keep myself grounded.

  “I thought it was over when I left, that I would never see you again,” I give Crow a humorous laugh, trying to continue the story. “I got a flat tire three miles down the road and poof he was there.”

  I swallow. My voice is lowering as Lincoln’s dark desire-filled eyes fill my mind.

  “He grabbed me and made all kinds of promises, promises I knew he was going to follow through with. But someone else wanted me first,” I croak.

  They are coming for me in my nightmares. The ones that stalk me while I sleep and while I am awake.

  “He took me to hell, a place where nightmares begin and never end,” I swallow, my throat is raw, and tears fill my eyes.

  I was back there living and watching as if I am a voyeur. For the first time, I am not reliving them completely, just watching them on the sidelines. I keep talking and continue to tell Crow everything.

  “It was always so dark unless he came to play. The heat was unbearable, and the stench of pennies and motor oil filled the air.

  There was this heavy chain on my ankle, and it was rusty and wet. It would scrap my skin with my every move. My raw skin became sensitive and stung.

  My clothes were torn from the first day, and it was all I had left. I had this long soft skirt that fell to my knees, at least it did before he took a knife to it. Said it needed some trimming, easier access.”

  Crow’s arms tighten around me as growls leave his throat. He is also shaking.

  “He took my panties and shirt the very first day. I thought that would be the worse than anything else that could possibly be done to me. Oh, god, was I wrong?

  I still feel the cold metal as it was pressed harder and harder into my skin, parting the flesh slowly. It was right on my spine, and I thought, god, he’s going to go all the way down to the bone.

  The scent of pennies grew stronger as my screams mixed with their laughter. I finally understood why the garage had the smell of pennies.

  When he finally pulled the blade back, I lowered myself further to the floor. I was hoping for relief, hoping he was finished. But he was so angry that I was pregnant. Who knew a monster like him had morals.

  He hated that he couldn’t rape me. Some of the men weren’t too happy about it either. I remember the sound of a body hitting the floor after one of them made their displeasure known.

  The days blended together. I counted them by judging the food that was being cooked. I thought I had only been there thirty days, but I had lost time passing out from blood loss and pain.

  One of them wanted their turn with me and decided not to listen to the orders. The guy came and unchained my ankles. He shoved a rag into my mouth and dragged me out into the night.

  I remembered looking up the stars as he pulled me by my arms through the grass. I was so tired, and everything hurt. At this point, there was a small bump in my lower stomach. Shawn had still been growing, even though I was surviving in less than ideal circumstances.

  I told myself I wasn’t going to let them take any more from me. I wasn’t going to let him do this to me. I waited as he climbed on me and focused on his belt.

  I lifted both my hands and pressed my fingers into his eyes, hard. He fell back with a scream. The gag I had in my mouth was quickly out and went into his.

  His gun was lying next to my hip. I didn’t know how cold the metal was or how heavy it would be until that moment. It was like I checked out. This cold detachment came over me as I pulled the trigger and watched his head explode. Literally, explode. He collapsed on my legs.

  I knew I didn’t have much time. They were going to be coming. Twisting out from under him, I bit back the screams of pain as my scabs were ripped open.

  I’m not sure what happened after that, I remember running. Ronnie told me she found me in her backyard four months after I left here. She took me in, and she saved me,” I finished hoarsely.

  Crow is just looking down on me. I need to feel his love even if he hates me, I need to feel him inside of me to chase away the memories. It is irrational and fucked up, I know that.

  But I needed to feel something other than fear and disgust. This man was once my world, the only person to make me feel loved.

  His eyes are dark green orbs and filled with anger and something else that I can’t put my finger on. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and rip at the button of his jeans and his zipper.

  Stradling his hips, I tug my underwear aside and sink down on his hard, thick cock. I lift myself up and down over and over until he is finally all the way inside of me.

  I moan into his shoulder as I fuck him hard. I con
tinue to lift myself up and dropping myself back down over and over, swiveling my hips and pressing my clit into his pelvic bone.

  It didn’t take long before we were both moaning our release. I felt Crow’s cum jet into me in hard pulses sending little shudders of pleasure through me.

  “Fuck, doll,” he whispers into my hair.

  Maybe I did it so I didn’t have to see his pity. Maybe because I need to feel alive and forget the past. Or it was because I still love him, god help me, but I do still love him.

  “Who took you?” Crow whispers into my hair pressing a comforting kiss to my head.

  His cock was still deep inside me and hard as a rock.

  “Lincoln,” I tell him pressing my face into his neck and taking deep breaths. Filling my lungs with his scent. Chasing away the fear that gripped me as his name left my lips.

  His arms tighten around me. I could feel the moment he went from lover to killer. I knew what was about to happen and something in me cheered, bringing a smile to my lips.

  “I want you in my room and my bed,” he tells me.

  “I can’t do that, we can’t do this, Crow,” I tell him sadly.

  There is too much shit between us. Fuck, he hates me. Why would he want this? Was it as sick punishment?

  “We had a deal, I’m calling in my marker. You’re mine. Period,” he growls.

  His hands pull me closer to him and his cock jerks deep inside of me. Oh god, that feels so good. His hand tunnels through my hair, fisting it tightly. He pulls my head until I am looking up at him.

  “I’m going to fucking kill every last one of them, doll. I can promise you that,” he tells me, looking deep into my eyes before pressing a punishing kiss to my lips.

  “Reyes and his brothers will help you move and guard you until I get back,” he tells me as he lifts me from his lap.

  I feel our combined juices slide down my thighs. My panties are still not in place.

  “Fuck, that is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” my cheeks heat.

  He may want me now, but he hasn’t seen me without my clothes on. I am not the girl he remembers. It is something I need to remind myself. Because when he does discard me, I want to be prepared for the pain that is going to come with it.

  Chapter 21

  Crow

  Present Day.

  Cupping her face, I kiss her forehead before stepping away from her. Her eyes are filled with darkness and distrust.

  I thought she fucking left me and had this poster life. Another man and maybe the perfect little house in a perfect little neighborhood. Not once did I fucking think she was living the shit she did.

  Red coated my vision as anger road me hard. I was going to fucking kill him. Lincoln was a dead man. After everything she told me, I was ready to rip him limb from limb.

  I need answers. Looking over at Gage and Weston, I tilt my head showing them we need to talk before I call church.

  I am going to find out who was there, and I am going to hunt every motherfucker and kill them slowly. My fist tightens even more, and my short nails dig into the calluses on the palms of my hand.

  “What the fuck was that shit?” Gage demands.

  I turn and look at them. They both look ready to destroy everything in sight. That shit was painful to fucking watch let alone hear the story behind it.

  “Someone took her when she left here,” I tell them, my eyes hard.

  “Fuck!” Weston growls.

  “What the fuck happened to her?” Gage asks, his tone dark.

  “Fucking Lincoln took her to someone who kept her fucking chained and carved her up like a fucking piece of meat,” I snarl, my hands slam onto the office desk. The wood split and some of the contents tumble off.

  “What are we going to do?” Gage gets right to it.

  “Call Church in ten, but I want you to let Knox know what the fuck is going on,” I tell them both.

  I watch as they turn to go, but before Weston leaves, he asks something. It was something I was thinking just a few minutes ago.

  “Are you keeping her?”

  I look him in the eye trying to see if he has a thing for her. Finding nothing but curiosity, I sit in my chair running my hands through my hair.

  “Fuck man, I’m never letting her go,” I tell him honestly.

  “Good,” he replies as the door closes behind him.

  I want to rip this place apart. My anger and grief are riding me hard. Maria may have left, but it was not of her own will. If I only looked harder.

  I walk into the room and purposely look around making sure Lincoln was still in the main room. The fucking piece of shit is sitting at the bar drinking a beer like he didn’t have a care in the world.

  “Church, now,” I shout.

  Chairs scrap back as they all fill into the other room. I wait for Lincoln to try and run or come up with some fucking reason why he can’t be in there.

  He actually swaggers into the god damn room like he is holding the key to the fucking kingdom. Does he really think she will keep his secret?

  Walking to my chair at the head of the table, I look to my right and see Gage nod, letting me know he informed Knox.

  Weston sits to my left looking like he is bored as fuck. But I know the truth, he wants to kill the bastard just as much as I do.

  “We have a little problem. Someone took my old lady and carved her up like a fucking turkey at Thanksgiving,” I tell them, my eyes scan all their faces.

  Who could I trust? Was any of them in on it? Everyone’s face turned cold but Lincoln. The anger and darkness that lurks deep within us all is starting to come to my surface.

  “We have a fucking traitor,” Gage announces.

  Another look at the faces of each man in this room. None show any signs of betrayal. All but Lincoln, who just sits there.

  “Do we have any idea who it is?” Zeke asks darkly.

  Nodding to Gage and Weston, I watch as they circle the table heading towards Lincoln. Gage circles from the right and Weston from the left.

  Gage pulls his gun and presses it against Lincoln’s head as Weston leans in close.

  “We are going to have so much fucking fun,” he tells Lincoln gleefully.

  “Seems Lincoln told Maria I wasn’t a member and then took her,” I tell the other brothers. They all look at Lincoln in disgust.

  “Take him to the basement,” I tell them.

  I watch as they drag a pleading Lincoln from the room. Screaming that the bitch is a liar.

  “I want you to be ready. I’m going to find out who every motherfucker is and then we’re going to hunt each and every one of them down,” I tell them as I scan the room. I meet everyone’s eyes.

  I got nods before they pull back from the table and leave the room. Running my hands over my head, I sigh. Reign your shit in, you can’t fucking kill him too soon. I had to remind myself of that each time I punched him, cut him, and put the drill to his knees. I relished every scream, and he gave them up so fast hoping I would just kill him.

  The dumb fuck had no idea. I was going to drag this out for a long, long fucking time.

  Chapter 22

  Maria

  Present Day.

  I’ve been sitting on the bed for what feels like hours. Crow came in covered in blood. I knew exactly whose blood it was and felt nothing but relief and a small amount of joy.

  Ronnie took Shawn to get lunch and ice cream that Gage promised him. I smiled when the big man hovered over Ronnie. He had no idea what he was in for.

  The water finally shuts off, and my nerves kicked into high gear. What is Crow going to do? He wants me here and has told me that I am his. That can mean so many things, right?

  I suck in a deep breath as Crow comes out wearing a white towel around his waist. Water droplets slide over his skin and disappear into the towel.

  I lick my lips fighting the urge to follow those drops with my tongue. Is it wrong to be jealous of the water on Crow’s skin?

  “Crow?” I whisper as h
e stands there with one hand on the towel. The other is at the top of the dresser, and he isn’t moving. Nothing but deep breaths can be heard.

  I watch as he turns to me. The look of hunger in Crow’s eyes makes my clit throb. Were we really going to do this, again?

  I scoot up the bed as he closes the distance between us. Hunger and desire are written all over his face.

  “I fucking need you,” he growls.

  My pussy clenches and unclenches at his words. Heat fills my face and need almost overwhelms me. My hands pull my shirt over my head, and I quickly undo my bra.

  My eyes slam shut as I remember what I look like. The marks are all over my ribs and boobs. Quickly, my hands raise up to cover myself.

  “No, let me see,” he demands.

  My eyes close even tighter, refusing to open and see his face as he takes in the damage to my body. The bed dips under his weight, and I know he is closing the gap between us.

  I gasp as a rough finger presses against one of the more raised scars. I shudder.

  “So, fucking beautiful,” he whispers, his breath fans over my exposed breast. I feel his lips press against the scar and then the next and so on. Each time he mutters how beautiful I am.

  My heart melts under both his words and kisses. Wetness coats my thighs, having taken my panties off earlier. They were too wet and extremely uncomfortable.

  “Please, I need you,” I tell him, my eyes remain closed.

  “Look at me darlin’,” he commands. “Are you on any birth control?”

  My eyes open, and I focus on him. Slowly, I shake my head. My eyes lower again as I watch him pull off the towel. He settles quickly between my parted thighs. His hands grip my hips, pushing my skirt up around my waist. Then, he presses himself deep inside of me in one long, hard thrust.

  I moan when he is fully seated, and his cock hits my womb. My head falls back and my back arches, bringing my chest closer to his.

  “Someday I’m going to fucking get you completely naked before I fuck this pretty pussy,” he growls as he slams into me again and again.

  “Oh, god,” I moan.

  “I’m also going to eat this sweet pussy, too,” he tells me as he pumps his hips into me hard. His words cause wetness to gush between my thighs.