Losing Crow (The Bloody Saints MC Book 1) Read online

  “Julie stole my shipment and killed my man,” he snarled at me as he leaned in closer. Those dark orbs promise pain and a life I would rather die than live through.

  “But you catch a good price. Actually, more than the shipment was worth,” he said, his voice was filled with excitement.

  I screamed as I fought. I fought to escape, and I fought to save my son. Then hands wrapped around my throat and it cut off my air supply.

  There was this dimness, a blackness closing in on me. “Don’t worry, I will not kill you,” the man smiled cruelly. My eyes stay glued to my son. I watched as one of them picked him up and smiled just before the lights went out.

  “Shawn,” I scream and sit up.

  Hands grip me, pulling me into arms that are familiar. Ronnie’s scent starts to fill my nose.

  “What the fuck is wrong with her?” Crow demands from somewhere close by.

  “Like I told you when you tried to pick her up. She’s in hell,” Ronnie snarls at him.

  “Oh, god! You’re alive,” I cry into her shoulder.

  A small amount of disappointment fills me. I wish it were Crow that was holding me. Soothing me. God save me, but I needed him. I loved him.

  “What happened,” Ronnie asks, her tone is low and soothing.

  “They found us. I tried to save him, I couldn’t save us,” I whisper pressing both hands to my face. Even now, I’m awake knowing it wasn’t real, but the fear and the hopelessness still cling to me.

  “It’s over, it was a dream,” Ronnie tries to comfort me.

  “They got so close,” I whisper, knowing that if they had gotten us that it was my fault. That I am too prideful to do what I should have done.

  “You did the right thing. You’re safe now. We’re safe now,” Ronnie tries again.

  “They won’t stop until they have me,” I tell her. It is the truth. They are going to keep coming. Crow will only do so much. How many lives will I risk to keep mine?

  “If I leave, they’ll stop. Shawn will then be safe,” I say out loud.

  “The fuck you will!” Crow shouts.

  My eyes dart to his, and the anger and pain tear me apart. I never meant to say it aloud. I know deep inside that he won’t let me leave. But, I know it is only a matter of time before they find us.

  Is my life worth my sons? No, he will always come first. There is going to come a time when I have to leave. I can see it on Ronnie’s face. She knows it too.

  It was both terrifying and liberating to know your days are numbered. Doing what I need to do will be so much easier knowing Shawn has his father. That he will be loved and safe.

  I only hope one day he will forgive me for what I have to do. That he will understand that I did everything out of love. This won’t be the first time I found myself in hell. I didn’t meet Ronnie until five months after I ran. And in those five months, I wished for death.

  The way Ronnie is looking at me, she knows exactly what I am remembering. She remembers our first encounter just as much as I am.

  Sometimes people know what it is like to be trapped. To live through something worse than death and come out on the other side alive, but not whole.

  Chapter 17

  Crow

  Present Day.

  Her screams had ripped into me. The way Ronnie seemed unsurprised by them sent a red flag through me. Something happened over the two years she was gone, something that scared her.

  Why the fuck do you care? Fuck! I was letting her get under my skin. Right now, I want to keep her at arm’s length. I want to keep my anger, disgust, and hate.

  I turn and walk down the hallway carrying my son in my arms. His little face is scrunched up as little cries of distress echoes off the walls.

  He is feeding off her fears. It guts me to hear him cry and see his tears. I stop and contemplate taking him back to Maria. He needs her because he doesn’t fucking know who I am.

  Again, another round of anger rushes through me. Instead of continuing, I walk back to Maria’s room. I hate that Shawn doesn’t know me, but he needs his mother right now.

  “Were you back there?” I hear Ronnie’s voice carry down the hallway.

  “No, it was different this time. They found us,” Maria replies, her voice fills with fear.

  “You got away,” Ronnie tells her soothingly.

  “It isn’t that, this time it was the Albanians. They killed you and had Shawn,” Maria said quietly.

  I was standing close to the door rubbing Shawn’s back as he quietly laid his head on my shoulder.

  “Sometimes I still feel the cold, the pain…” Maria’s voice is low and filled with pain.

  “You’re free, you got away. Don’t go back there. You’ve made it this far, the nightmares have gotten less and less,” Ronnie tells her, her voice sounds gentle as if she is trying to soothe a wounded animal.

  “I know I’m free, but they keep coming for me in my dreams. Is it sad that I was thankful that it was different this time? That it wasn’t….. them,” Maria whispers.

  “Stop, it’s over. Take a deep breath. Shawn is safe. Let that be enough, for now,” Ronnie reminds her.

  What the fuck is she talking about? Something in my gut twists. What is she hiding from?

  “Where do you want him?” I ask as I come into the room. It’s apparent they aren’t going to continue whatever they were talking about.

  “Here,” Maria slides over a little and pats the spot she just vacated. She doesn’t look at me, she keeps her eyes glued to the floor.

  Laying him down, I look at Ronnie. She has the answers that I need, and she is going to spill them one way or another.

  Chapter 18

  Maria

  Present Day.

  Ronnie is sitting with Shawn as I venture out of the room. After laying there trying to fight off the panic, the memories try to surface, and I let the hours pass in silence.

  Hunger has me coming out of my room, my haven, and my prison. Loud voices are laughing, and the smell of cigarettes fill my nose the closer I get to the main room.

  I don’t look around, I just keep my head down and continue towards the kitchen. Pans clink together, and laughter fills the room.

  Looking up, I half expect to see Tracy only to find the room filled with women wearing more clothing. Sighing, I open the fridge and pull out a beer. Popping the top, I take a long pull. The bitter liquid caresses my tongue before sliding down my throat.

  “Whoa, slow it down there,” one of the women laughs.

  Lowering the bottle, I look at her. Why the fuck does she care if I drink my weight in alcohol? Shit, that’s exactly what I need to do.

  “I’m Alanna, and these bitches are Brittney, Tori, Cassie, and Bianca,” she points to the blond first, then a dark-haired girl who looks like her sister, and then another blond with curls before finally pointing at a woman with dark hair.

  I give them a nod and take another deep pull from my beer. Why the fuck do I care who they are? They all wear jeans and a t-shirt. Way more than Tracy, who has worn a nothing skirt, which I think was originally a tube top that she put around her waist. I’m guessing the tank is missing about seven inches of the shirt, as it stops right below her boobs.

  “You must be Maria,” Cassie says.

  I give her a thumbs up still taking long pulls from the bottle.

  “You really Crow’s old lady?” The one they call Brittney asks.

  A frown forms between my eyebrows, do I look fucking old?

  “I’m Crow’s nothing,” I tell them with a bite in my voice.

  They all laugh and nod, but I still don’t get it, and I hate being the butt end of someone’s joke. My glare turns frosty as I stare the women down.

  “Respect,” Tori holds up her hands with a warm smile.

  I still don’t relax. I’m already sick of the bitches in this club.

  “Look, we mean no disrespect,” Alanna says diplomatically.

  “It’s just that it’s obvious you aren’t like those bit
ches out there,” Cassie’s says with a wicked smile.

  “Got to ask, did you really break Tracy’s nose?” Bianca asks.

  “Fuck, yeah, I did. And I’ll do it again and again to the stupid bitch,” I snarl.

  The beer is now empty, and I definitely need another one. Reaching into the fridge, I pull out another beer. I place the edge of the metal cap against the counter and slam my hand down and smile with satisfaction at the pop. It is followed by the clicking of a metal cap which is bouncing off somewhere.

  “I think you just became my new best friend,” Bianca says with a laugh.

  “Fuck you, bitch,” Alanna laughs.

  Something in me dislodges, and I smile.

  “We’re old ladies,” Cassis tells me with a smile.

  My face must have shown my confusion. None of them are old.

  “It’s a term of endearment, like saying I’m a wife in their world. I’m the property of Gunner,” Cassie’s says pointing at herself.

  Property? Being called an old lady was an endearment? What the fuck?

  “I’m Reyes’ property,” Alanna says with a smile.

  “I’m Ryan’s property,” Bianca says.

  “I’m Zane’s property,” Tori laughs.

  “I’m Topher’s property,” Brittney says with a wistful sigh.

  I still don’t get it. Property? Who the fuck wants to be owned by someone?

  “Did they buy you?” I ask horrified.

  “What? No!” They all shout in unison.

  I watch as they turn to each other and laugh. Yeah, five women saying the same thing at the same time is odd as fuck. And apparently, they find it funny.

  “Look, I just want to drink a few beers, watch the world blur, and let the fuck go,” I tell them all.

  I just want to be left the fuck alone. The memories are coming for me. Digging, scraping, and leaving me raw and desperate.

  “Hey, you ok?” Alanna asks as I slide down the wall. My mind seems trapped in the past, and trapped in that hell hole.

  “Fuck, woman down!” Someone screams as my eyes blink. The view goes from white cabinets to black and then silver.

  Chapter 19

  Maria

  One Year and Ten Months Ago.

  I had tried. That’s all I could’ve done, I tell myself as I walk out of the clubhouse. The guy told me there was no one here named Crow. Although, he was giving me the creeps.

  He had this look about himself that had my stomach twist in on its self.

  “Need some help?” His voice came from behind me. I whirled around and stumbled at the fast movement. Dizziness was keeping me unsteady.

  “No,” I tell him, begging the world to be still.

  His smile got even more creepy, and my heart lodged into my throat. What was he even doing here? Did he follow me? Looking down at my flat tire, I sigh. I was in the process of changing it when he had appeared out of what feels like nowhere.

  “Seriously, I’m good,” I tell him. I shouldn’t have turned my back on him! What was I thinking? His hand latched onto my hair, yanking me into his body.

  “No, baby, but you will be,” he whispered into my hair.

  I shuddered in revulsion and tried to twist away from him. When his arm tightened around my waist, and his fingers tugged my hair hard, I cried out.

  Panic started to set in. I couldn’t let this happen to me. He kept my head immobile, so I couldn’t headbutt him. Lifting my foot, I slammed it down on his foot before lifting it and kicking him in the left shin as hard as I could.

  He still didn’t let me go, but his arm did leave my waist. Yes! I pulled my head and let the tears fall as a strand of hair was ripped from my head. It was better than the alternative, I told myself.

  “Fucking bitch,” he whispered coldly into my ear, “I’m going to fucking love tearing you up.”

  My heart stopped at his words. Oh, god, no, no, no, no. I wasn’t going to be a statistic.

  “Someone wants you, but I think we’ll have a little fun first,” he tells me, his voice husky.

  “No,” I whispered. The words were hard to get out.

  “Raoul is looking for you,” he tells me.

  “As much as I want to take you right fucking here, baby. We don’t have time. But after he’s done with you, that pussy is mine,” he tells me as he grinds his hard jean cover dick into my ass.

  A cloth was pressed over my nose and mouth, and I held my breath as long as I could, but it was no use. My body needed oxygen, and it refused to let me suffocate. But darkness soon swallowed me.

  Hell was where I ended up, a place I never thought existed. I learned exactly where it was and how real it was.

  Someone shaking me and they were screaming my name. I look up and see Crow and start screaming again.

  “Don’t touch me,” my lungs burn as the words blast from my lips.

  Lincoln is standing behind Crow staring down at me, his eyes are cold. It is him, the man who told me Crow wasn’t a member. The man who stole my innocence, my life, and my freedom. The very man who dragged me to hell.

  “Maria, baby, please,” Crow begs.

  I want to respond, I want to beg him to save me, but I am pulled in, and I can’t get out.

  One Year and Nine Months Ago.

  The metal chained to my foot rattled as I shifted on the floor. It was so hot in here, I tried to press myself further onto the concrete floor. I was hoping it would cool my overheated body.

  I could hear the music and laughter coming from inside the building. I was in the garage where I’ve been for the last thirty days.

  I haven’t seen the sun for a long time, and I have tried to keep track of time from the smell of the food they cook. Who knows, maybe it’s been longer?

  My back burned as my sweat dripped onto my scabs and freshly made cuts. Raoul liked to make small one-inch cuts on my body.

  The cuts were on my breasts, upper stomach, and the middle of my back. They were always in places that could be covered up. The first night here was the worst.

  The way his fingers ran up my thigh made me feel like bugs were crawling all over my skin. I closed my eyes as the feeling of him covering me overrode the pain in my abused body.

  When he ripped my panties off, I begged him to not do what he was about to do. I even told him about the baby. I thought he would ignore me as I begged him in desperation, but instead, he pulled back. He then grabbed a fistful of my hair forcing my head to turn at an odd angle.

  “You’re pregnant?” he spits.

  I didn’t figure Raoul was a man of morals and it seemed he was only with this. When I nodded, I watched him through blurry eyes. He growled and released me, shoving my head down.

  “Fuck! You lucky bitch,” he snarled.

  I heard a few mummers of disappointment. How many men were in here?

  “You said we would get some of that pussy,” one man growled.

  I then heard silence, the only thing that could be heard was my quiet sobs. I screamed when I heard the bang and a body collapsing to the floor.

  “Anyone else got something to fucking say?” Raoul demanded.

  A few feet shifted, but not a word was said.

  “Now, I may not fuck her pussy, at least not yet, but I can mark her pretty little body,” his voice had this odd sound, almost like it was filled with glee.

  The pain sliced into me, and my heated blood welled as I felt the sharp metal press into me, repeatedly. It slowly slid through layers of skin and tissue.

  At some point I passed out, thankful for the reprieve. Laughter rang in my ears as they watched Raoul mark my body over and over.

  Chapter 20

  Maria

  Present Day.

  Hands are running through my hair as a hard body is pressed against me.

  “I’ve got you,” Crow is whispering over and over again.

  “Oh, Maria,” Ronnie cries as she pushes Crow with her knee.

  “My cheeks are wet and warm. People are staring at me. Linco
ln is still close, closer than I ever want him to be.

  His feet are maybe a foot from my elbow. My eyes look up into his, and I try to climb over Crow’s shoulder. I need to get away.

  I didn’t recognize Lincoln when I first got here. I didn’t really connect him to what happened. Now I remember, and Lincoln was definitely the one who captured me. He also took me to Raoul, and I need to get away from him. Now!

  “Maria, stop,” Crow snaps.

  “NO! Get away from me! Oh, god, stay away from me,” I cry as I continue to fight Crow. Lincoln is too close.

  “Save Shawn, Ronnie,” I shout to her.

  “Maria?” Ronnie asks, her voice is filled with concern and has tears in her eyes.

  “He’s here. He’s going to take me back! Save Shawn. Run, oh god, run,” I scream again, pleading with her as I try to get away.

  Crow’s arms tighten further on my waist, and he pulls me back onto his lap. I shy away from Lincoln who is pressing further into Crow’s chest.

  “Fuck!” Ronnie whispers as she scans the surrounding faces.

  “You promised,” I remind her, “Take him and go.” My throat is raw and cracking as I try to get Ronnie to move.

  “She takes a step back while holding Shawn, who is crying into her chest. Ronnie is looking at all the men filling the room. A few were at her back blocking the exit to the kitchen.

  She ran into one and squeaked. Her eyes are hardening as she turns and tries to push the man out of the way.

  “I won’t tell, please don’t hurt him,” I cry harder.

  I knew Lincoln could hear me, but I was too terrified to look at him. There was no safe place for us. No one could save me now.

  “Get the fuck out now!” Crow shouts at everyone. I watch as they start to move to the door.

  “NO! Ronnie, please stay. Don’t go, please, it’s not safe,” I tell her once again, trying to escape Crow.

  “Stay the fuck still!” Crow growls in my ear,

  “Don’t go out there,” I tell Ronnie. She nods and watches each member as they leave the kitchen. It’s as if there are venomous snakes. Just ready to attack at any moment.

  “What the fuck is going on Maria?” Crow demands.