Losing Crow (The Bloody Saints MC Book 1) Read online

  “Actually, you kind of do. Customers are always right and all,” I point out.

  I’m starting to feel like the world’s biggest asshole. It was like all the nice had been sucked out of me. I wasn’t normally so nightmarish.

  “I really need that coffee and look at the bright side. The sooner you get rid of us, the sooner you can get back to Mr. Hottie,” I point out in the nicest tone I could muster.

  She eyed me skeptically like she was trying to decide if she was losing by doing what she was supposed to be doing. I wanted to smile, but I fought it back.

  Just as I turned back to the man that I cut in front of, he reached for me. I let out a little yelp as I scrambled backward. I watched in slow motion as Mr. Hottie latched onto the man’s arm and twisted it behind his back.

  “Apologize for being an asshole,” the man demanded lowly as he presses harder on the violent man’s arm. He looked ready to dislocate the man’s shoulder, and I instantly felt bad for all the trouble I was causing.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell them all.

  “Not you, him,” Mr. Hottie said with a deep growl.

  “If you think I’m going to, ow, fuck that hurts. I’m sorry,” he squeals at the end.

  More shame burned into me. I felt like an asshole of epic proportions.

  My coffee and food appeared, and I handed her a ten and told her to keep the two-dollar change. I didn’t look back as I rushed from the building.

  A large calloused hand latched onto my arm and pulled me to a halt just outside the door.

  “Wait, I owe you,” he tells me.

  “You don’t owe me anything. You saved me back there,” I tell Mr. Hottie.

  My eyes go to the shop and the angry people inside. Looks like it’s time to find a new place to get my fix. I really liked this place too.

  “Then you owe me, let me take you out,” he tells me.

  I don’t think it was really a question, more of a yeah this is happening. Like a fool, I just nodded my head.

  “Meet me at the ice cream shop on third?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, six tonight,” he tells me letting me go and walking towards his bike. The black Harley gleamed in the sunlight.

  “Wait!” I shouted.

  He turned and looked at me. Something in me warmed under his stare.

  “I don’t even know your name,” I tell him blushing slightly.

  “Crow,” he tells me with a laugh.

  “Crow? For real?” I shout.

  “Yeah, Crow,” he said it slowly with an undercurrent of amusement.

  “I’m Maria,” I tell him.

  “See you tonight, Maria,” he shouts before climbing on his bike and leaving me standing there watching him disappear around a corner and out of sight.

  Present day

  “Hey,” someone snaps their fingers in my face. My cheeks heat with embarrassment as reality comes back to me. I lost myself in the memory at the worst possible time.

  I close my eyes and start counting backward from ten. When I get to one, embarrassment and anger are still hard to swallow. I want to scream at the swirl of emotions that are threatening to choke the very life from me.

  “Crow,” I croak.

  I feel a stream of hot air against my face and my eyes open immediately. I see the most intense green eyes. They seem so dark they look almost black. Crow is leaning down and looking at me with the oddest expression. He looks both relieved and irritated.

  “I need to talk to you,” I tell him when he still hasn’t said a word. My fingers twist into each other as I wait for him to say something. I feel oddly disappointed when nothing comes.

  Crow looks ready to leave. Like he is just going to walk away without asking what I need and want. Desperation has me reaching for him.

  “I need your help,” I rush to say. My hands latch onto Crow’s arm, gripping it as tight as I can. Considering my fingers are minuscule compared to his, they nowhere near touch each other as they circle his arm. Yes, he is that big.

  “Follow me,” he growls.

  This is not going how I thought it would. Does Crow even remember me? Am I wasting my time? The hope I have been harboring starts to dim.

  Chapter 7

  Crow

  Present Day.

  I watch as she sits in the chair in front of my desk and shifts. Crossing one leg over the other and then repeating on the other leg.

  It should make me feel good to see her uncomfortable, but it doesn’t. Where the fuck has, she been all this time and why the fuck did she leave?

  “What can I do for you?” I ask her keeping my tone even.

  “I need your help,” she tells me swallowing hard.

  “So, you’ve said. What can I do for you?” I ask her.

  “I…,” she starts.

  “Look, I don’t have all day. Spit it the fuck out,” I snap at her.

  I want to grab and pull her into my arms and beg her to never leave me again. But I also want to tell her to get the fuck out and never come back.

  “You don’t need to be a fucking asshole,” she growls at me.

  Ah, there’s the Maria I know.

  “You have some balls walking into my club after what, two fucking years? Asking for my help and calling me an asshole,” I tell her coldly.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she tells me, looking anything but sorry.

  “Again, what the fuck can I do for you, Maria?” I ask her again.

  “This is a mistake,” she says while she sighs.

  I watch as she climbs to her feet determine to leave. That isn’t happening.

  “Sit the fuck down,” I demand harshly.

  Her ass hits the seat before her brain can fully comprehend what her body just did. I can see it written all over her face.

  “You must be pretty desperate to come to me. So, what can I do for you?” I ask her, this time trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

  “I’m in trouble,” she whispers.

  Something in me twists. Maria still has that kind of power over me. And I fucking hate it.

  “What kind of trouble?” I ask her, my tone smooth.

  I want to flip the fucking desk and throw my chair at the wall.

  “My sister got herself in deep this time, and they’re calling in a blood debt,” she tells me quietly.

  My blood boils. Blood debts are no fucking joke. Whoever she owes or fucked over is going to stop at nothing until the debt or slight is paid.

  They will own Maria. They could kill her, sell her into slavery, keep her and do unimaginable things to her. The moment they call it a blood debt, she is theirs.

  “Where’s Julie and what the fuck did she get you into this time?” I snap.

  “I don’t know where she is, she disappeared three weeks ago after she called me for help. I went looking for her, but she was gone,” she tells me, her eyes are filled with tears.

  “What did she do?” I demand.

  “She stole from the Albanians, and I think she killed one of them,” she whispers.

  “There is no saving your sister Maria. You understand, that right?” I ask her. I should have been more understanding, maybe less cold, but the anger and resentment are easy to hear in my voice.

  Chapter 8

  Maria

  Present Day.

  I stare at the man that I love, regardless of our past or the years that have separated us. Anger rises hard and fast, and I stand and lean over the desk getting into his face.

  “Listen, you fucking asshole. I won’t beg you for a fucking thing. I know my sister is as good as dead, but I have other people to worry about. Not that you give two fucking shits,” I scream.

  “Calm your ass down and sit the fuck down,” he growls.

  “You either help me, or you don’t, I learned what kind of person you were two years ago. I should know better than to come here,” I tell him standing again.

  This is a mistake. I fucking hate that I am here and that I have sunk so low and became so desper
ate.

  The mother in me rears her head. I have no one but Ronnie. Although, if I don’t make it, I want Shawn to be with his father. Unless Crow doesn’t want him, that is.

  “I need two things from you Crow. If I don’t make it out of this, I need you to take Shawn, and I need you to keep an eye on Ronnie,” I tell him, my voice chokes.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, his tone deadly.

  “Our son. I need you to take him and keep him safe. I need you to keep them both safe Ronnie and Shawn,” I tell him through the lump clogging my throat.

  I have never pictured a day when I would have to leave Shawn. That I won’t be there to see him grow. To graduate, get married, and have kids. So many things I won’t see. So many times he would need me, and I won’t be there.

  My feet carried me to the door as my heart shatters into a pile of dust. Saying goodbye is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But, I need to put space between us now and get as far away from Shawn and Ronnie as I can.

  If they find them… I really don’t want to think about it. No, when they came for me, I will be alone. All traces of my son will be gone.

  My hand latches onto the doorknob. I don’t turn and look at Crow as I turn it. There is no need. I said goodbye to him years ago. This is my Hail Mary, my last chance.

  Just as the door creaks open, it slams shut. A large hand is keeping it closed and preventing me from opening it.

  Chapter 9

  Maria

  Three Weeks Ago.

  Little feet toddled down the hallway followed by childish giggles. Shawn had learned to walk four months ago, one month before he turned one year old.

  Since then, he’s been hard to keep in one spot. I laugh as he comes barreling into the living room carrying his favorite dinosaur. The little plastic figure was cheap, but you would think it was a rare treasure with how he treats it.

  “Ma, ma, ma,” he giggled.

  Guilt filled me again as it always does when I see his dimpled smile. I should have tried harder to find Crow. But, I didn’t know his real name and the only clubhouse that matched the name on his back patch, flat out told me to take a hike when I showed up looking for him.

  I hated him even then for making me fall in love. I had foolishly thought we were exclusive, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  Opening my arms, I pick up my son as he launched himself at me. My smile was spread so wide, my face hurt.

  He looks so much like Crow. Shawn has dark brown hair which is almost black with dark green eyes. The little dimples are all his thought. I kissed his cheeks and hugged him tightly.

  “Mama loves you so much,” I tell him.

  His arms wrap around me and the little dinosaur digs into my shoulder. My cell phone started to ring, and I sigh in disappointment as I set him back on his feet. I hated putting him down because I knew soon, he wouldn’t want to be held.

  “Julie?” I ask as I press the green phone icon.

  “I messed up,” she sobs into my ear.

  “Oh no, Julie. What did you do this time?” I ask her, already planning who I needed to call and all the steps I would need to get her out of trouble.

  “I stole from someone important, and I think I hurt him,” she tells me, her words were confusing and jumbled.

  “Who? Julie, who did you steal from?” I would get back to the part where she said she hurt them later. First, I needed to find out who she took, whatever it was, from.

  “Albanians,” she cried into the phone.

  “I don’t understand,” I tell her.

  “This is your fault. If you had just given me the money that I needed, I wouldn’t have had to take what I needed from them,” Julie lashed out at me.

  It clicked into place, and my stomach sank hard. My sister came to me again wanting money so she could get her next fix. This time I didn’t give it to her. I kept putting her into rehab, but she would always go back to doing the poison she loves so much.

  Giving her the money was so she could eat and survive. Although I knew in some deep part of my brain, that I tried to ignore, she really used it to get high. And still, I gave it to her. What kind of sister was I? I should have cut her off after she blew through her inheritance.

  “Oh, god, Julie,” I whispered. My stomach was twisting, and my eyes darted to my son who was busy playing with his mega blocks on the floor.

  “Give it back,” I tell her firmly.

  “NO, it’s mine!” She shouts.

  My hand tightened on the phone. I knew whatever Julie took was expensive. I wasn’t sure I could save her this time, especially if she hurt one of them.

  “Julie, please,” I tried to reason with her, “You need to give it back. You understand that don’t you?”

  “Come get me, please,” she pleads, not responding to anything I’ve said.

  I once again looked at Shawn. I couldn’t bring her here, not near him. Shawn didn’t need to see Julie like this.

  “Where are you?” I asked her.

  “Deering Park,” she tells me.

  “I’m going to call a friend to help with Shawn, and then I’ll be there okay? Don’t go anywhere, Julie,” I tell her.

  Instead of responding she hung up. Taking a deep breath, I tried to prepare myself for what was next. Ronnie was going to be angry that I was running to her rescue, again. She will tell me it’s time to let her go. Five years of picking Julie up and trying to save her was enough. It’s obvious my sister wasn’t going to change.

  But the same question always comes up. Could I give up on my sister?

  You could go to him, Crow will help you. My mind whispered. Just thinking his name transported me back two years ago. To the memories that always haunted me.

  Chapter 10

  Maria

  Two Years Ago.

  The air was cooler than it had been thirty minutes ago. I had foolishly left my jacket at home since I was so excited about this date. In my haste, I forgot it but was able to get here almost an hour early.

  The ice cream shop was just finishing its happy hour boom when I heard his bike roaring close by. My stomach jumped, and butterflies filled my tummy.

  What was I thinking? This man was dangerous, I knew that. It literally radiated off him in waves. The thought of danger brought a little excitement to the evening.

  “Ready?” Crow called to me.

  My smile stretched over my face, and I remind myself over and over to take it slow and not run. Running would make me look both crazy and desperate. I’ll leave that to the second date. That thought made me laugh a little.

  Grabbing his outstretched hand, I swung my leg over his bike. I was so cold before, but the heat of his body seemed to shield me from the night air.

  I locked my fingers together on his abdomen and fought the sigh that wanted to escape. The man was solid! I could feel the dips and valleys of his muscles through his shirt.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, raising my voice to be heard over the rumble of the motor.

  “Dinner,” he told me.

  I waited for him to elaborate but then squealed in the most horrendously, embarrassing way as he roared off at a very high speed, I thought was only possible in the movies. I resisted the urge to look behind me to see if we were being chased.

  The ride was peaceful, at least it was after I grew accustomed to the ridiculous speed he was traveling. When we finally stopped, I was a little disappointed. I had no idea a motorcycle could be so liberating.

  “Here,” he said, holding out his hand to help me climb off my new favorite vehicle. I smiled and tried to keep the shaking, that I had no control over, to a minimum.

  I watched the way his jeans stretched a little tighter over his ass as he swung his leg over the bike. His eyes filled with laughter as he caught me checking him out.

  Instead of embracing myself I turned and looked at the restaurant we had pulled up too. It was fancier than I had planned for. Looking down at my jeans and then at him
I questioned if this place was a good idea. Could he afford this? I knew that I couldn’t.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  I could only nod my head as the worry started to tug at me. Snap out of it, Maria. You said you would be relaxed tonight, not the uptight crazy woman you normally are.

  Taking a deep breath, I rolled my shoulders then pasted the biggest, happiest smile on my face. Not that it was difficult since I was the lucky woman out with this hot man.

  “Table for two?” The hostess asked with an overly dramatic purr.

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. We haven’t even made it all the way into the restaurant, and they were trying to get his attention.

  “Yes,” I tell her with a sweet smile, but my eyes said die, bitch, die. I mean, what the fuck? I was standing right here!

  Crow laughed, and I couldn’t help but smile. He knew what I was doing just like he knew what she was doing. I’m sure it happens to him all the damn time. For some reason, it irritated me more than it should have.

  The waitress wasn’t much better. I thought for sure she was going to trip over her feet when she came back to the table with our drinks. Her eyes ate him up like he was the last piece of chocolate cake at the bakery.

  This little green monster kept rearing its ugly head every time she leaned over, expertly placing her tits in his face. Like hello, I’m sitting right fucking here.

  Not once had he paid her the attention she wanted. He didn’t even encourage her bullshit in the slightest bit. But still, when she came back with our bill, her number was at the top of the receipt, the blue ink standing out brightly against the white paper. I had to fight the urge to stab her with the fork still on my plate.

  After dinner, he took me home. I expected him to try and get in my pants, but he just walked me to my door and gave me a brief toe-curling kiss. That was the night Crow stole the first piece of my heart.

  Chapter 11

  Maria

  Present Day.

  “You better fucking explain yourself, right the fuck now!” he growls in my ear.

  I could feel him back up, and his heat was leaving me. The cold was lashing out at me from his icy voice. It burned me, and I could feel the frostbite burning into my skin. I slowly turn and look in his eyes. The anger and resentment hit me in full force. He has no right to be mad at me after everything he did.